Or why my left eye is strong than the right, or more dissertation excepts.
When I was little, I used to believe that I could see air.
Tiny specks of sometimes blue and other times green
but mostly clear in front of my eyes.
I never told anyone till now-wanted to keep the secret, to be special
I squinted to see life, to see O2 mix with CO2
right before my eyes, something amazing.
I believed I could see air.
One of these days, I said,they will see what I can do.
But as years went on, I could see them less and less.
Slipped away from my vision,
my aging eyes lack precision or perhaps I just forgot to look for it anymore.
Now when I squint some twenty-years later,
I call them… sun spots.
From not listening to my mother-
I can’t help but stare at the sun from time to time.
The little blue and sometimes green
but mostly clear circles dot my retina and transmit into my skull.
My optic nerve used to lie to me all the time.
Yes, that swimming pool is an ocean
and that old broken bottle a potion
and yes, those dots are oxygen.
But now it translates… sunspots.
My optic nerve rarely ever lies to me anymore
or maybe I never ask it to.
I used to believe I could see air.
Not just a single molecule, no-
but the particles within it too.
Like that squiggly bit, a ribosome
that circle bit, a nucleus-words I’d only ever seen on charts and graphs
but I was convinced all the same that someday
I would be able to clearly see someone’s DNA.
Each nucleic acid twisted together-their genetic information.
Be able to tell the color of their eyes before looking at their face
A scientific mystery with eyes like a microscope
and when I looked at a boy, I’d be able to read his double helix
and prevent heartbreak before we even said hello.
Not that I’d have time for boys when I can see air.
No-that’s just the beginning.
I’ll spend my time at NASA
and my dad will be so proud when they send me to the moon
to stare at Mars with my special eyes.
She’ll know the answer they’ll say
and they’ll cheer when I land because I’m the girl that can see molecules.
But they’ve already sent Curiosity to Mars- have extra-terrestrial terrain cars.
And me-I’m a writer with a left eye that’s slightly stronger than then right
but not strong enough to see nuclei at night.
Maybe it’s because I don’t practice anymore.